How to Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce

1. Choose the Right Time and Place
Most spouses headed toward divorce have some inkling the marriage is on shaky ground. However, don't spring the news out of the blue or in the heat of an argument, especially if you think your spouse is totally in the dark. Choosing the right time and place to have the conversation will help both of you deal with the complex emotions involved and ensure as much privacy and comfort as possible for a difficult discussion.

2. Rehearse What You'll Say
By planning what you'll say, you can send a clear, firm message and be ready for any questions that might arise. Avoid blame, accusations, and recriminations, as they can quickly turn a civil conversation into a painful blowup. 

Stick to the facts: summarize your unhappiness in the union; share how the marital discord is affecting you; and clearly state the intention to seek a simple divorce. Coming across well-spoken, calm, and self-assured can set the stage for a mutually respectful split.

3. Be Prepared for a Wide Range of Responses
When one spouse tells another that they want a simple divorce, the spouse on the receiving end of this news can react in any number of ways, depending on the situation. It's not uncommon for them to express anger, pain, sadness, regret, and/or confusion. 

Be prepared for any of these responses. Don't let them deter you from the conversation and from what you need to say. At the same time, try to understand that your spouse is trying to process what can be emotionally challenging and painful news. Maintain calm as much as possible throughout, as this can defuse tension and help your spouse stay calmer too.