The New York Times November. 25, 2023 By Caitlin Kelly

Can Divorce Be Affordable? Yes, but Only if Spouses Want It to Be.

There are ways to reduce the stress and expense of ending a marriage, but they require both parties to want to end the relationship civilly.

If there is an easy point of agreement in the emotional upheaval of divorce, it is that endless legal battles can break the bank.

Hourly attorney fees can hit the high three figures, according to Nicole Feuer, the vice president of development and operations for the National Association of Divorce Professionals. The association estimates that the average cost of a divorce is $15,000 to $20,000, but contested divorces can be far more expensive.

Disagreements over issues like child custody may take years to resolve and can push costs well over $100,000.

The greatest challenge of getting divorced, many learn, can be trying to negotiate and control powerful emotions: anger, betrayal, grief, rage, disappointment. Too often, with lawyers, a warring couple’s every unresolved issue costs more and more money.

“I say to my clients all the time: You’re making the biggest legal and financial decisions of your life in the middle of the worst moment,” said Kate Anthony, who produces a podcast called “The Divorce Survival Guide” and who has trained to work with couples in high-conflict marriages and those involving domestic violence.

Choosing to immediately “lawyer up” is one of the worst things you can do, she added. “The family court system loves a divorce. That’s how they make their money, off the rage and bitterness.”

But there are ways to reduce the stress and expense of ending a marriage. These options include using a document service (ideally reviewed by a lawyer), mediation and collaborative divorce.

Vanessa McGrady, a writer in California who was married for three years and who became a parent during that time, said that she “realized there were some insurmountable issues” with her former husband and chose to use the document service We the People for her divorce.

“It was not contentious, and it was easier because we didn’t have assets together,” she said. “We had no I.R.A.s. It was my condo and I was making the payments.” She recommends having a lawyer review a document divorce to ensure that it is done correctly.

The process took a year and cost less than $2,000 because she had hashed out issues with her ex before their divorce proceedings, she said. Ms. McGrady, 55, was glad to have saved thousands of dollars for her own retirement or for her daughter’s future needs. “I don’t know anyone who’s had as simple and easy a divorce as we did, even though it was frustrating and sad at times,” she said. “Before you go down the rabbit hole of rage and revenge, think where you want your money to go.”
-Edited by Ken Benshish